Attachment Theory

Conflict Doesn’t Ruin a Relationship, a Lack of Connection Does

Conflict Doesn’t Ruin a Relationship, a Lack of Connection Does

Conflict Connection

There is a misconception that conflict is the root of a relationship’s demise. Watching a couple fight, it may seem that way.

Steph: “Our house is always a chaotic mess!”

Julian: “It’s not my fault, I don’t have time to do everything.”

Steph: “You mean the dirty clothes you leave on the floor outside the bathroom?… Continue reading Here

6 Steps to an Effective Time-out That Stops Nasty Conflict

6 Steps to an Effective Time-out That Stops Nasty Conflict

Conflict

Relationship arguments can escalate quickly. When we are attacking each other, friendliness goes out the window. Since we are feeling threatened, conflict can reach a point of verbal or physical abuse.

One of the best ways to prevent your fights from escalating out of control is to take an effective time-out.… Continue reading Here

Understand the Attachment Styles in Your Relationship with Stan Tatkin

Understand the Attachment Styles in Your Relationship with Stan Tatkin

Defensiveness
Stan TatkinInterview Guest: Stan Tatkin, PsyD, is the founder of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) and is the author of Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.… Continue reading Here

A Better Me Makes A Better We: An Interview with Ellyn Bader, Ph.D.

A Better Me Makes A Better We: An Interview with Ellyn Bader, Ph.D.

Improvement

Interview Guest: Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., is a co-founder of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, which integrates attachment theory and differentiation. Through her work at The Couples Institute, she has specialized in helping couples transform their relationships since 1984.

The idealized relationship where partners are fused at the hip is not a healthy relationship, as it doesn’t allow for the unique differences of each partner.… Continue reading Here

The Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Trap: An Interview with Amir Levine Part II

The Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Trap: An Interview with Amir Levine Part II

Anxiety

Interview Guest: Amir Levine, M.D., is a psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and co-author of a popular book, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love, which has been translated into 14 languages. You can read Part I of the interview with Dr.… Continue reading Here

Chronic Stonewalling Imprisons a Relationship

Chronic Stonewalling Imprisons a Relationship

Stonewalling
Have you ever watched a child try to get attention from their mom or dad?
“Pay attention to me.”
“Look at me.”
“Mommy, daddy, watch me.”

But what happens if the child’s attachment figure is unavailable and unresponsive? The child will experience distress.… Continue reading Here

Repairs During Conflict are a Superpower of Emotionally Connected Couple

Conflict Repairs

Conflict Repairs

This article was originally published on Verily

When you think about it, every couple in every relationship is set up for failure. It is impossible to be emotionally available to your partner 100 percent of the time. In fact, you will miss most of your partner’s bids for emotional connection out of mindlessness.… Continue reading Here

The 3 Choices of Connection that Make a Relationship Amazing or Lonely

Connection

Connection

“Feed and clothe a human infant but deprive him of emotional contact [and] he will die.” – A General Theory of Love

Matt and Evalin fight about everything under the sun. Evalin tells Matt, “you’re a slob. It’s not hard to pick up your clothes off the floor and put it in the hamper.” Matt responds, “you shouldn’t be talking.… Continue reading Here