Better Relationships

There Are Two Views to Every Conflict and Both Are Valid

Conflict

Conflict

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog

Heather’s voice raises as she says, “How can you not see it my way? It’s the truth and you know it. You’re just too stubborn to admit it!”

Jason responds, “That’s not what happened at all.… Continue reading Here

Help Your Partner Understand Your Side of the Conflict in 3 Steps

Help Your Partner Understand Your Side of the Conflict in 3 Steps

Understanding

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

Conflict isn’t easy: There’s hurt. There’s misunderstanding. And, at the same time, there are parts of us that are screaming to feel validated and understood. The problem for many of us is we have learned to communicate in a way that actually pushes our partners away from truly understanding us or meeting our needs.… Continue reading Here

This Pre-Conflict Warm-up Helps Couples Fight Better

This Pre-Conflict Warm-up Helps Couples Fight Better

Conflict

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog

Leo Tolstoy’s book Anna Karenina begins, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Dr. Gottman’s four decades of research tells a different story.

Following thousands of couples (some for multiple decades), Gottman found that the couples who would eventually divorce were more alike than different.… Continue reading Here

3 Healthy Steps to Coping with Your Partners Anger

Coping

Coping

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

Have you ever wondered why we get angry? According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, “emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us.”

In his book Emotional Intelligence, Goleman tells us that anger causes blood to flow to our hands, making it easier for us to strike an enemy or hold a weapon.… Continue reading Here

An Always Happy Relationship is a Doomed Relationship

An Always Happy Relationship is a Doomed Relationship

Relationship

A relationship pattern that ends in heartbreak is founded on deception and lack of emotional connection. Deception is birthed from the scar that taught us that revealing our true needs only causes more unpleasant conflict.

When we cut out this part of ourselves, we do so under the belief that maintaining good feelings in the relationship will keep the relationship.… Continue reading Here

5 Easy Ways to Make Sex More Intimate and Romantic

Intimate Sex

Intimate Sex

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

Sex can be an uncomfortable topic for couples. Many of us feel embarrassed about our bodies or have been sexually rejected at some point. Not to mention our culture and life experiences which have created feelings of sexual shame, making romantic and intimate sex a scary endeavor to even talk about.… Continue reading Here

Repairs During Conflict Are a Superpower of Emotionally Connected Couples

Conflict Repairs

Conflict Repairs

This article was originally published on Verily

When you think about it, every couple in every relationship is set up for failure. It is impossible to be emotionally available to your partner 100 percent of the time. In fact, you will miss most of your partner’s bids for emotional connection out of mindlessness.… Continue reading Here

The 3 Choices of Connection that Make a Relationship Amazing or Lonely

Connection

Connection

“Feed and clothe a human infant but deprive him of emotional contact [and] he will die.” – A General Theory of Love

Matt and Evalin fight about everything under the sun. Evalin tells Matt, “you’re a slob. It’s not hard to pick up your clothes off the floor and put it in the hamper.” Matt responds, “you shouldn’t be talking.… Continue reading Here

4 Common Solvable Problems in Romantic Relationships

Solving Problems

Solving Problems

This article originally appeared on Verily.

Although every happy relationship is different, every relationship has solvable problems and unsolvable problems. Dr. John Gottman has identified four of the most common solvable relationship conflicts for couples: technology, work stress, money, and housework.… Continue reading Here