Intentionally Intimate Relationships
How is intentional relationship conflict different from conflict in general?
Conflict in intimate relationships is like fire. For some of us it becomes a wildfire, burning out of control, emotionally burning each partner.
For others, it turns into a controlled bonfire that brings us closer together as we talk, laugh, and learn more about one another.… Continue reading Here
Have you ever heard of the Roach Motel?
In Dr. John Gottman’s observational research of heterosexual, gay, and lesbian couples,1 he found that in every interaction couples were either nice, neutral, or nasty toward each other.
It doesn’t take Dr.… Continue reading Here
The holidays make me feel two ways: merry and stressed out.
As my partner sits across from me, we both glance around the near-empty sushi restaurant attempting to hide our annoyance with each other. We have just ordered our food to go and are waiting.… Continue reading Here
Is it true that criticism kills relationships?
No one wants to stay in a relationship that makes them feel more judged than admired. Yet, it’s too common for couples to see the other person as the problem, leading to constant criticism.… Continue reading Here
How well do you know your lover?
It’s an important question to ask and answer. After all, the human heart was made to be known. And to be loved.
You were made for someone to study you. To read you. To reflect on you.… Continue reading Here
It’s a misconception that a romantic relationship is healthy and happy because there is a lack of negative or nasty conflict.
Even if partners aren’t having conflict or partaking in other unhealthy relational habits, they will grow apart simply because they aren’t dedicating the time and effort to remain emotionally connected. … Continue reading Here
Being defensive blocks connection, compassion, and isolates you from your partner. Instead of focusing on we-ness, a defensive person focuses on me-ness. Defensiveness is one of the most dangerous signs of toxic fighting because it creates never-ending cycles of negativity.… Continue reading Here
Fighting in relationships? It’s not ALWAYS bad. Or avoidable. In fact, conflict is inevitable in every relationship.
Psychologist Dan Wile says it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.”… Continue reading Here
This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.
Conflict in relationships isn’t easy: There’s hurt. There’s misunderstanding. And, at the same time, there are parts of us that are screaming to feel validated and understood.
The problem for many of us is we have learned to communicate in a way that actually pushes our partners away from truly understanding us or meeting our needs.… Continue reading Here
Do you have a pattern of being attracted to an emotionally unavailable intimate partner who is emotionally protected and difficult to get close with? Or do you have a history of pushing away the sort of person who is available, caring, and easy to get close with?… Continue reading Here