Relationship Arguments

Win Relationship Conflict By Letting Your Partner Win Too

Win Relationship Conflict By Letting Your Partner Win Too

Relationship Conflict

Good relationships are built on the belief of what’s good for you is good for me too. Partners realize that the best bet is to work together, rather than against each other.

Meet Jordan and Taylor, a couple in their mid-forties.… Continue reading Here

War or Love: Flaws of The Human Brain in Relationship Conflict

War or Love: Flaws of The Human Brain in Relationship Conflict

Human Brain

Stan Tatkin, PsyD proposes that the human brain is built for survival first and love second. This means we are wired for war more so than we are wired for love.

Reactive Conversation Mature Dialogue
Chris: I get pissed off because you’re never listening to me.
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A Better Me Makes A Better We: An Interview with Ellyn Bader, Ph.D.

A Better Me Makes A Better We: An Interview with Ellyn Bader, Ph.D.

Improvement

Interview Guest: Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., is a co-founder of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, which integrates attachment theory and differentiation. Through her work at The Couples Institute, she has specialized in helping couples transform their relationships since 1984.

The idealized relationship where partners are fused at the hip is not a healthy relationship, as it doesn’t allow for the unique differences of each partner.… Continue reading Here

How You Think About Your Spouse Determines How You Love Them

How You Think About Your Spouse Determines How You Love Them

Spouse

All of us have an inner narrator that describes the scene and characters of our lives. If your inner narrator writes a script of your partner and marriage in a negative tone, it’s easy to make assumptions that create negative interactions.… Continue reading Here

The Magic Ratio of Happy and Healthy Relationships

Happy

Happy

Whether it’s about not having enough sex, the dirty laundry, or spending too much money, conflict is inevitable in every marriage.

To understand the difference between happy and unhappy couples, Dr. Gottman and Robert Levenson began doing longitudinal studies of couples in the 1970s.… Continue reading Here

Defensiveness Doesn’t Protect a Relationship

Defensive

Defensive
Being defensive blocks connection, compassion, and isolates you from your partner. Instead of focusing on we-ness, a defensive person focuses on me-ness. Defensiveness is one of the most dangerous signs of toxic fighting because it creates never-ending cycles of negativity.… Continue reading Here

Stopping the Pursue-Withdraw Pattern: An Interview with Scott R. Woolley, Ph.D.

Stopping the Pursue-Withdraw Pattern: An Interview with Scott R. Woolley, Ph.D.

Withdraw

The pursue-withdraw pattern is an extremely common cause of divorce. If left unresolved, it will continue into a second marriage and subsequent intimate relationships. As Dr. Gottman explains in Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, “This classical marital impasse is all too common—a wife seeking emotional connection from a withdrawn husband.”… Continue reading Here

Have You Committed to a Contempt-Free Marriage?

Commitment

Commitment

The absence of delight in your partner creates an emptiness in a marriage that ruins love. According to Dr. Gottman’s research on long-lasting marriages, the number one predictor as to whether a marriage would last was the presence or absence of contempt.… Continue reading Here

The Habit of Criticism is Poisonous to Any Relationship

The Habit of Criticism is Poisonous to Any Relationship

Criticism

No one wants to stay in a relationship that makes them feel more judged than admired. Yet, it’s too common for couples to see the other person as the problem.

And since the other partner is the problem, the only solution is for them to change…right?… Continue reading Here