Marriage Conflict

5 Steps to the Roach Motel of Relationships & How to Stay Out of It

5 Steps to the Roach Motel of Relationships & How to Stay Out of It

roach motel

Have you ever heard of the Roach Motel?

In Dr. John Gottman’s observational research of heterosexual, gay, and lesbian couples,1 he found that in every interaction couples were either nice, neutral, or nasty toward each other.

It doesn’t take Dr.… Continue reading Here

Criticism Kills Relationships: Why this Habit is Poisonous

criticism kills relationships

criticism kills relationships

Is it true that criticism kills relationships?

No one wants to stay in a relationship that makes them feel more judged than admired. Yet, it’s too common for couples to see the other person as the problem, leading to constant criticism.Continue reading Here

Defensiveness Doesn’t Protect a Relationship: 4 DIY Remedies

Defensive

Defensive
Being defensive blocks connection, compassion, and isolates you from your partner. Instead of focusing on we-ness, a defensive person focuses on me-ness. Defensiveness is one of the most dangerous signs of toxic fighting because it creates never-ending cycles of negativity.… Continue reading Here

5 Steps to Fighting Better if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For

5 Steps to Fighting Better if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For

Fighting in relationships? It’s not ALWAYS bad. Or avoidable. In fact, conflict is inevitable in every relationship.

Psychologist Dan Wile says it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.”… Continue reading Here

2 Hidden Ways We Sabotage Intimacy In a Relationship We Want

Ruined Relationship

Ruined Relationship

 

Do you have a pattern of being attracted to an emotionally unavailable intimate partner who is emotionally protected and difficult to get close with? Or do you have a history of pushing away the sort of person who is available, caring, and easy to get close with?… Continue reading Here

4 Hidden Issues That Prevent Relationships From Being Happy and How to Identify Them

4 Hidden Issues That Prevent Relationships From Being Happy and How to Identify Them

Hidden Issues

When Jake looks at the latest bank statement and begins complaining about how James, yet again, spent more than $200 on clothes without discussing it with him, it’s pretty clear what the issue is.

But when Kristi begins cursing out Steve because he is running late to their couples therapy appointment due to work, the harsh comments cover up the hidden issues of Kristi feeling less important to Steve than his work.… Continue reading Here

Trust & Commitment: Why Every Happy Relationship Needs It

Trust & Commitment: Why Every Happy Relationship Needs It

Believe me when I say, a happy relationship is IMPOSSIBLE without trust and commitment. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.

Love is like Legos. In each passing moment, we are either building a wall between ourselves and our lover or a bridge into each other’s hearts.… Continue reading Here

Is it Time to Go to Couples Counseling?

Is it Time to Go to Couples Counseling?

couples counseling

We are all familiar with couples counseling.

But before we get into that, let me back up a little bit.

Ongoing relationship distress is harmful to each romantic partner’s mental1 and physical well-being,2 and in addition, can negatively impact the kids.… Continue reading Here

The Intentions vs. Impact Debate: When Partner’s Unintentionally Hurt Each Other

intentions

intentions

How do you respond when your partner questions your intentions?

Do you get angry? Defensive?

I do.

One of the big reasons we struggle with relationship conflict is due to the misunderstanding caused by the intention vs. impact battle.

In Dr.… Continue reading Here

The Conflict Escalator: The ABCs of Escalating Conflict

escalating-conflict

escalating-conflict

Have you ever taken an escalator? You start at the bottom and without paying attention to what’s actually going on, you move up and up.

It’s the same thing when it comes to escalating conflict.

Escalation within a couple’s conflict happens when each partner communicates in a way that leads to harsher comments, more intense emotions, and the volume going upwards, figuratively and literally.… Continue reading Here