Fighting in relationships? It’s not ALWAYS bad. Or avoidable. In fact, conflict is inevitable in every relationship.
Psychologist Dan Wile says it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.”… Continue reading Here
Conflict in relationships isn’t easy: There’s hurt. There’s misunderstanding. And, at the same time, there are parts of us that are screaming to feel validated and understood.
The problem for many of us is we have learned to communicate in a way that actually pushes our partners away from truly understanding us or meeting our needs.… Continue reading Here
Originally Published on the Gottman Institute Blog
Have you ever thought about the Relationship Thermostat?
The secret to keeping things comfortable is to address the uncomfortable issues that pull you two apart.
Longitudinal research on newlywed couples discovered that stable and happy couples are more responsive to slight changes in negativity than ailing marriages.… Continue reading Here
Do you have a pattern of being attracted to an emotionally unavailable intimate partner who is emotionally protected and difficult to get close with? Or do you have a history of pushing away the sort of person who is available, caring, and easy to get close with?… Continue reading Here
Being emotionally available isn’t as easy as it sounds.
This is one of the most common issues couples face. I get a lot of messages like this:
“Hey Kyle, I read your last few articles about emotionally unavailable partners. It makes a lot of sense that you recommend others to avoid those of us with those flaws.… Continue reading Here
There is a misconception that conflict in relationships is the root of all relationship demise. Watching a couple fight, it may seem that way.
The truth about conflict in relationships
Steph: “Our house is always a chaotic mess!”
Julian: “It’s not my fault, I don’t have time to do everything.”… Continue reading Here
When Jake looks at the latest bank statement and begins complaining about how James, yet again, spent more than $200 on clothes without discussing it with him, it’s pretty clear what the issue is.
But when Kristi begins cursing out Steve because he is running late to their couples therapy appointment due to work, the harsh comments cover up the hidden issues of Kristi feeling less important to Steve than his work.… Continue reading Here
“In every generation, white people have said there is not a racial problem and people of color have said there is. History has proven [the people of color] right.” – Tim Wise
Trigger warnings: This article, at times, describes racism, trauma, abuse, and violence that happens to human bodies, with a focus on the bodies of Black and Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC).… Continue reading Here
We all have different insecurities in life. But when those vulnerabilities work their way into our relationships, insecurities in love can ruin our partnerships.
All couples come to experience the raw buttons of their partner. Happy couples understand each other’s imperfections and enduring vulnerabilities, while unhappy couples use these enduring vulnerabilities as fire power in the heat of a battle.… Continue reading Here