Author: Kyle Benson

Kyle Benson is an Intentionally Intimate Relationship coach providing practical, research based tools to build long-lasting relationships. Kyle is best known for his compassion and non-judgemental style and his capacity to seeing the root problem. Download the Intimacy 5 Challenge to learn where you and your partner can improve your emotional connection and build lasting intimacy.

5 Steps to Fighting Better if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For

5 Steps to Fighting Better if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For

Fighting in relationships? It’s not ALWAYS bad. Or avoidable. In fact, conflict is inevitable in every relationship.

Psychologist Dan Wile says it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.”… Continue reading Here

Conflict in Relationships: 3 Steps to Help Your Partner See Your Side

Conflict in Relationships: 3 Steps to Help Your Partner See Your Side

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

Conflict in relationships isn’t easy: There’s hurt. There’s misunderstanding. And, at the same time, there are parts of us that are screaming to feel validated and understood.

The problem for many of us is we have learned to communicate in a way that actually pushes our partners away from truly understanding us or meeting our needs.… Continue reading Here

The Relationship Thermostat: Why Adjusting the Temperature Early Can Save Your Relationship Later

The Relationship Thermostat: Why Adjusting the Temperature Early Can Save Your Relationship Later

Relationship Thermostat

Originally Published on the Gottman Institute Blog

 

Have you ever thought about the Relationship Thermostat?

The secret to keeping things comfortable is to address the uncomfortable issues that pull you two apart.

Longitudinal research on newlywed couples discovered that stable and happy couples are more responsive to slight changes in negativity than ailing marriages.… Continue reading Here

2 Hidden Ways We Sabotage Intimacy In a Relationship We Want

Ruined Relationship

Ruined Relationship

 

Do you have a pattern of being attracted to an emotionally unavailable intimate partner who is emotionally protected and difficult to get close with? Or do you have a history of pushing away the sort of person who is available, caring, and easy to get close with?… Continue reading Here

New Year’s Resolutions: A New Opportunity for Intimacy (20+ Questions to Ask Your Lover)

New Year’s Resolutions: A New Opportunity for Intimacy (20+ Questions to Ask Your Lover)

New Year's

What are your upcoming New Year’s Resolutions?

“Part of what makes life meaningful are the goals we strive to achieve.” – Dr.John Gottman, 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work

2020 was the longest year yet. With a global pandemic, an emotionally charged political election in America, and conversations surrounding racial inequalities, it’s been a year for the books.… Continue reading Here

Dependency in Relationships: What to Expect

Dependency in Relationships

Dependency in Relationships

Dependency in a relationship can feel suffocating.

Sometimes we lose our sense of self in our partner.  We can feel a love so deep, it can be as if we’ve become one with our partner and the universe.  It’s a unique, fairy-tale experience, and it’s what psychologists call a collapse of the ego state.… Continue reading Here

6 Steps to Becoming an Emotionally Available Partner

Emotionally Available

Emotionally Available

Being emotionally available isn’t as easy as it sounds. 

 

This is one of the most common issues couples face. I get a lot of messages like this:

“Hey Kyle, I read your last few articles about emotionally unavailable partners. It makes a lot of sense that you recommend others to avoid those of us with those flaws.Continue reading Here

Conflict in Relationships Isn’t the Root of All Evil

Conflict in Relationships Isn’t the Root of All Evil

conflict in relationships

There is a misconception that conflict in relationships is the root of all relationship demise. Watching a couple fight, it may seem that way.

The truth about conflict in relationships

Steph: “Our house is always a chaotic mess!”

Julian: “It’s not my fault, I don’t have time to do everything.”… Continue reading Here

Black Lives Matter: How Understanding with Activism Can Create Change

Black Lives

Black Lives

“In every generation, white people have said there is not a racial problem and people of color have said there is. History has proven [the people of color] right.” – Tim Wise

Trigger warnings: This article, at times, describes racism, trauma, abuse, and violence that happens to human bodies, with a focus on the bodies of Black and Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC).Continue reading Here

The Top 3 Insecurities in Love That Ruin Your Relationship

Vulnerability

insecurities in love

We all have different insecurities in life. But when those vulnerabilities work their way into our relationships, insecurities in love can ruin our partnerships.

All couples come to experience the raw buttons of their partner. Happy couples understand each other’s imperfections and enduring vulnerabilities, while unhappy couples use these enduring vulnerabilities as fire power in the heat of a battle.… Continue reading Here