Hello. I’m Kyle Benson, and I write about creating secure-functioning relationships because I know what it’s like not to have one.
I have struggled with being honest with my partners. I have struggled with being emotionally closed off, as well as incredibly clingy. My past relationships caused me to believe I was unworthy of love unless I achieved some measure of success. So I worked 100 hours a week, and I struggled to sleep more than a few hours a night.
In fact, my insecurities were so inflamed and my anxiety was so overwhelming that my body shut down entirely. Since then, I’ve spent the last 4 years recovering from severe health issues.
I lost 30 pounds in six weeks, and I felt as if I would pass out if I walked more than a city block without a break.
I still remember the moment where I was sitting in a chair in my own misery. My mind began to highlight my insecurities and the way in which I continued to settle for toxic relationships; not only with others but also with myself.
So after reading Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and What Makes Love Last? by Dr. John Gottman, I became obsessed with transforming my relationships. I wanted to feel loved as I actually was. I was tired of feeling inadequate and unimportant. I was tired of hiding from myself. I was tired of settling for insecurity.
The pain of my suffering had finally become greater than the pain required to change my relationships.
In that moment, I made an oath to myself that no matter how hard the road would be, no matter how much I had to confront my insecurities, or how many times I had to risk rejection, I would hold onto myself. I would allow the best parts of myself to stand up. I would learn to become a secure romantic partner.
Transforming myself has been incredibly hard. But I have gone on a long journey that has not only put me in the most fulfilling intimate relationship I’ve ever had but also saved marriages from the brink of divorce. If you want to learn more about the work I do, visit here.
Since I started this site, I’ve learned that the quality of our relationships are the bedrock of our existence. Not only do our closest relationships shape who we are, they shape our life story. They shape the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.
They shape our inner narrator who tells us how worthy we are. What we deserve. This is the same narrator that drives us to continually find ourselves in unhealthy relationship after unhealthy relationship.
It took a hard look at my life story to truly change the type of partner I would attract and love. It took lots of emotional processing to remain calm while my partners complained about something I did that they didn’t like.. I’ve grown a lot from studying healthy relationships so far, and I plan to learn much more.
I want to help people who are struggling to go from feeling the way I did to feeling the way I do now. I feel happier, more secure, and healthier than I ever have before.
Whatever relationship battle you are in, I want you to know I am here to help. I am here to work alongside you to cultivate the relationship you deserve.
If an artist takes pains with the plaster that he is forming so that it may harden into a shape of beauty, what care should we take of the relationships which are shaping our minds, our bodies, and our souls?
If you want to be a masterful artist in the way you love, then you’d love our community.
The newsletter is packed with research based tools that will transform the way you communicate and love (Plus you’ll get behind-the-scenes stories of my own life.)
I’ll also send you access to our Passionate Relationship Toolkit that has been used by thousands (You won’t find these tips anywhere else on the site!) Your email will never be shared, and you can unsubscribe whenever you want.
Is It Time To Change Your Relationship? Are You Ready?
You can begin your journey by starting here.